Tuesday, October 06, 2009

There are ways to say things

This knowledge may be a function of age, but I'd like to think that people can pick up the skill in their youth: There is a time and place for self-promotion.

When someone is talking about something that they've undertaken and feel good about, that's usually not the right time to place your accomplishments as some sort of counterpoint. In other words, I don't recommend reframing someone's goals in light of your own success, because for the most part the other person isn't really looking for that. That's purely for your own satisfaction. It's a very ego-centric act, one that falls on either deaf ears, or exasperated ones.

For instance, if I drop a line to the linkshell stating that I'm making progress on my Lu Shangs, a response like "Yeah and in 6 months, you'll have your noob rod" or "Ebisu or GTFO" won't elicit ... whatever it was you were trying to accomplish by saying that. Were you trying to encourage me by managing my expectations? Or were you inflating yourself?

I understand that it is meant partially in jest, but at the same time... it isn't really. While you may be chuckling, what you've done is take someone's else's goal and put it against the backdrop of your ego.

I honestly don't really care how long it's going to take, and I know the Ebisu is superior. And I don't care whether you have one already or not. This has no bearing on what I was announcing.

Anyway, I seem to encounter this type of attitude constantly in MMOs. And again I'm not sure whether it's a function of age (doubtful, considering how many adults play) or the fact that the game somehow attracts people who require validation at the expense of others... a sort of meritocracy of disdain, a nerd locker room. But it should be common decency to understand that when someone is patting themselves on the back a little, that's usually not the right time to jump in and burst their bubble.

Be secure enough in your own experience to know when to encourage others. They just might look up to you for it.

Enough said. Moving on.

2 comments:

Katella said...

Very childish indeed! Unfortunately, I know plenty of adults who still don't understand etiquette or how to be decent to each other. That skill is gained from maturity as opposed to age I suppose. I know lots of "adults" that play MMO's, but only a handful "mature" ones.. :)

Some people are plain just that rude and ego-centric, and others are taking advantage of a side affect of the MMO, where they are still offered this sense of anonymity, so they don't put much thought into that there are real people behind those pixels.. and so they are using it to compensate for something going on in their own lives...

I find it interesting (if not maddening) sometimes how opinionated people are about things that shouldn't matter to them.. I mean really, do they really even care that much what specific pole you use? Probably not.. (Although I will say I'm proud of you, far more dedication than I had going after mine..hehe)

Its not the destination.. its the journey.. the fun is in the work it takes you to get there. My most prized possession in FFXI was my Noble's Tunic, and that was because of how long and hard I worked for it farming on my own in Pashlow, for many many months. No one helped me get it, it was all out of my own effort. Your fishing rod will be the same... and you will appreciate it because of that I'm impressed! Great Job Frohike!

Paul said...

I felt the same way about my Haubergeon. Worked soooo hard for it and refused to EXP with mediocre gear until I obtained it. This feels like that only without implicit self-imperative to measure up to expectations. This is totally for me.

Now that I've gotten to know some of the people of the LS a bit better, I understand that much of what they were doing was a sort of "hazing" or jabbing because they knew I was going for it anyway. But I was unprepared for it, mostly because I really didn't know the people in the shell.

Generally that type of hazing is reserved for more familiar acquaintances, but apparently some people get familiar a bit more quickly than I'm accustomed to. ;)

And thank you, Katella. Still truckin along... about 27% there!